OR None of This Is Permanent and It's Killing Me
OR I'm Procrastinating School and the Eventuality of Life
OR Forever, Blue and Home Videos
I've been wanting to look at film for a while now and I sort of pulled this together, in an attempt to have a show of productivity when I was procrastinating studying for AP English, last night with some old videos I've had lying around for the longest of time. I uploaded in a sleep-crazed whim this morning and I will probably going on to hate myself and love that I dared myself for a while after this.
Here's what I wrote about it:
Tavi Gevinson described Forever as, "the state, exclusive to those between the ages of 13 and 17, in which one feels both eternally invincible and permanently trapped." Forever is marked by a desire for permanence and immortality with the underlying knowledge that nothing will last forever. So those of us trapped/bound/confined to this forever do our best to make these fast fleeting movements immortal so that these feelings, feelings you will never feel or experience so intensely and overwhelmingly ever again, are more than just fading memories once we lose our invincibility.
For as long as I could, I've done my best to record every and everything. Whether this was a subconscious desire to escape aging or a conscious knowledge that everything is temporary, I don't know. I've kept millions of diaries, journals, sticker books, photos and, what I've found to be the best form of recording, trapping and immortalising memory; videos.
11 is the beginning of me attempting to let go of the longing and despair I associate with one day not being in Forever. 2015 will be my final year of high school as well as my 17th year, the official end of my forever so I will be attempting to record this but hopefully in a way that does not remove the sincerity from my teenage existence.
Song: Buzzcut Season - Lorde
Tell me what you think or what you had for breakfast, maybe a little advice on how to stop not studying!