Never mind that I've started four screenplays and can't see myself finishing a single one and while I've drawn cartoons a plenty, I can't even face my art exam without having to pee first. In a feeble attempt to grasp at the straws of my youth, of a time when universities weren't the sole topic of all small talk and I could imagine The Future with a gaussian blur and purple tint, I'm turning to all the vices of yester me: waking up at six a.m after a night out to take self-portraits, screenshotting Kanye videos and singing Marina & the Diamonds. I don't know if it's working all that well.
I tried writing a short film yesterday. We meet this girl when she's waking up in the home of a stranger at 3 a.m. and follow her as she burdens the right-boy-for-her with her baggage and wish that she would quit playing around and let him love her, she leaves him at the cusp of 5 a.m. and then in the car on the way to school, she's a taxi with 'SEDUCTION' printed on the back window. We think she's having some sort of epiphany but instead she argues with her friends, hurts the right-boy-for-her and ends up in that very same stranger's home. She's hopeless to write a proper ending for, I guess.
I reread Cracked Up to Be by Courtney Summers and I think about how easy it would be to stop. Stop having pangs of anxiety over school projects and social obligations and just quit caring and "do me" but then I remember that, for right now at least, those things are me and I never see taxis on the way to school in the mornings.
"Aries- Soon the fragility of your existence will hit you Aries and you will recede deep into your own mind, trying to cope with that." - Nightvale Horoscopes
Happy April everyone!